Wednesday, April 07, 2004

I read Ash blog once again....... After reading her first blog left me quite shattered and sad. She had pinned such high hopes in this relationship and i had somehow ruined it with my erratic unreasonable behaviour and insensitivity. Somehow i felt that this relationship is landsliding all due to my fault. Ash rather detached and cold nowadays. I guess its all due retribution for doing and saying all the wrong things that hurts her.

Its been a few days since im feeling quite depressed. The reason that i had only blog it now is that i could not supress my own feelings anymore. I needed someone or something to confide in. I wished i could occupied myself and not think of how badly i had treated her. I hope i could do something to salvage what i thought to be a relationship turned sour. The conversation i had with Ash when i was at the Gryphon BBQ really knocked some sense into my head. All along i was in the wrong but my self centered mindset always finding excuses and reasons or shifting the blame to all other things but myself.

I feared even to confide this to Ash as i hurted conflicts and misunderstanding. All i want is Ash to be forever happy, bubbly, lively as what she proclaimed in her blog when she first met me. But what i did was changing her into a stressful, depress, numb kinda state.

ARGGGHHHHH..............
Vex vex vex...........

Hope the time could helped me..............
posted at 7.4.04 _________________________________________________________________